Welcome to my new series “Motherhood Thoughts”. If you follow me on Instagram you know I’m pretty revealing in my Stories about how hard Motherhood has been for me. What I realized is that Brooklyn Farm Girl hasn’t dove into Motherhood as deep as I share on social media. I had a hard time deciding how to transition the blog, if I should even write about the baby, or keep it garden and recipe focused, but then I realized that Brooklyn Farm Girl is now Brooklyn Farm Mama and being a Mother is a huge part of my life. Traveling through the first 2 months of Motherhood has been a journey. Every day, I experience something new. Heck, some hours I experience something new. I’ve had such a outpouring of feedback on my Instagram Stories from other Mothers who have gone through it, I decided I’m going to share on the blog now too. If you just come here for recipes and nothing more, you can skip these posts and that is totally ok. But if you want to get to know me, Pamela, then go ahead and read on. I plan on doing these posts bi-weekly as a diary to look back on. The post will be scattered with non connected paragraphs of what I experienced that week. Hope you like it.
Enceladus was asleep, it was the middle of the night, around 2AM and suddenly our cat Xanadu meowed. Again and again and again. Xanadu was in our bed in the middle of Matthew and I. Enceladus was in her bassinet next to the bed. Matthew and I turned to Xanadu, pleading with our eyes, whispering “Please stop meowing!”. She continued. “Meow, Meow, Meow”. Enceladus stirred in her bassinet. Then I did the unthinkable, I scolded our cat. Our cat was meowing because she was happy and I told her to stop meowing. I still feel awful for this.
Enceladus has started to giggle. I am officially the funniest person in the world to her and it makes me feel awesome.
Blank walls are also hilarious to her.
Cutting baby’s nails are terrifying. The first time we cut her nails was when she was 2 days old and we cut her finger. She screamed for a minute and then moved on with life, but it still haunts us. When she came out of my belly, she had Edward Scissorhands esque nails and was constantly cutting her face. Nowadays, we’re still terrified of using nail clippers so I bite her nails. Yes, I cut her nails by putting her nails into my mouth and biting them like a Barbarian. I googled it though and lots of other Moms do this so it’s totally ok to be a animal to my baby. Now if only I could work on that sharp big toe nail of hers….
The microwave door closes so loudly! It’s not until you have a sleeping baby in your house will you realize how loud some things are. I now fear the microwave while she sleeps.
To every stranger on the street Enceladus is a boy. Society has a issue with gender confusion if babies aren’t wearing a pink tutu and headband, and Enceladus does not wear tutus or headbands. A man approached me in a store and said “he” was cute. I told him “he” was actually a “she”. He said “Didn’t you know what you were having when you bought clothes for her?”. First of all, Woah Mister back it up some, I don’t even know you. Second, she had a FROG PRINTED bodysuit on. FROGS. Are frogs now only for boys?
I catch myself sprinting to the bathroom nowadays. Literally, I am sprinting to it while saying “I will only be 20 seconds!” to a baby that could explode at any second.
Matthew and I alternate nights. I feed her at bed time and then we put her down. Then depending on who’s night it is they are responsible to wake up and feed her as she wakes. A few nights ago it was my night. It was the middle of the night and she was in a deep sleep already for a few hours and we were turning in for the night. I was in bed, hoping it would be a easy night for me, when Matthew did something unbelievable. He walked to her bassinet, bent down and kissed her. CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM? I shot him darts of fire from my eyes. “What?” He whispered, “I just wanted to kiss her good night.”. UM. You can totally kiss her good night, but kiss her when we put her into the bassinet for the night, not when she’s in a deep sleep and it’s MY NIGHT. I can 100% guarantee you this kiss would never have happened if it was his night. And yes, she woke out of her deep sleep and stirred for the next 30 minutes. And yes, Matthew fell asleep peacefully next to me. And yes, I stared at him while he slept, shaking my head and whispering angry words to him.
Why do people congratulate men on being good dads? When I tell people we alternate nights they say “That’s great of him to do!”. Really? Why don’t I get a “Wow! That’s great of you to stop your life and raise a baby!”?
I miss hot food.
I haven’t talked about it much here on my blog, but if you follow me on Social Media (especially Instagram) then you’ll know that Enceladus has been
kind of a difficult baby. She doesn’t sleep during the day and she cries. A lot. After multiple pediatrician visits they’ve chalked it up to the catch all “your baby has colic, there’s nothing you can do, but they will grow out of it”. Dealing with a screaming baby for 1 hour a day is hard enough, but if you’re dealing with a screaming baby for 8 hours a day for 2 months straight, it will make a emotional mess. I’ve had so many ups and downs and cry fests of my own over the past 11 weeks dealing with a baby that I just can’t soothe. Because she’s a ticking time bomb, it’s been hard for me to take her anywhere because when she cries it’s just not fun for anyone. A few days ago I did my weekly grocery store run (literally) with Enceladus in her stroller. We made it to the milk aisle and then she started screaming. I sucked it up, finished shopping, and headed outside the store. Once outside I took her out of the stroller, held her and got her to calm down (the only thing that calms her down is holding her – constantly – which means I have extra strong Mom arms now). Once calmed down, I knew I was going to have to put her back in the stroller to head home. As soon as I put her in the stroller, she started screaming immediately again. I was about 10 blocks away from home, so again, I sucked up the looks from strangers, kept looking straight ahead and tried to get her home as quick as possible. I know you’re thinking, “Don’t worry what other people think!”. But if you have a baby that suffers from severe colic, you are riding a emotional roller coaster which can throw you off any minute. I was a few blocks from home and suddenly a man appeared next to me. He said “What did you do to make your baby cry so much?”. I was shocked. He might have been joking. He might have been serious. But did it matter? Who was this jerk? Why did he think he had the right to ask me this? It upset me and as soon as I got into my building’s elevator I cried. I was angry with this guy but I was also angry at myself for letting him get me upset. Being a Mom is the hardest job in the World, so don’t be a jerk. Congrats guy, you made a Mom feel shitty about herself. I’ve had a few days to think about this and I wish I would have said something back to him, or ran him over with my stroller, instead of looking at him shocked.
If you ever see a Mom with a crying baby at the store/on the street/on the subway, give her a smile. She needs support.
Until next time,