Motherhood Thoughts: Please Stop Meowing

Welcome to my new series “Motherhood Thoughts”.  If you follow me on Instagram you know I’m pretty revealing in my Stories about how hard Motherhood has been for me.  What I realized is that Brooklyn Farm Girl hasn’t dove into Motherhood as deep as I share on social media.  I had a hard time deciding how to transition the blog, if I should even write about the baby, or keep it garden and recipe focused, but then I realized that Brooklyn Farm Girl is now Brooklyn Farm Mama and being a Mother is a huge part of my life.  Traveling through the first 2 months of Motherhood has been a journey.  Every day, I experience something new. Heck, some hours I experience something new.  I’ve had such a outpouring of feedback on my Instagram Stories from other Mothers who have gone through it, I decided I’m going to share on the blog now too.   If you just come here for recipes and nothing more, you can skip these posts and that is totally ok.  But if you want to get to know me, Pamela, then go ahead and read on.    I plan on doing these posts bi-weekly as a diary to look back on.  The post will be scattered with non connected paragraphs of what I experienced that week.   Hope you like it.

Enceladus was asleep, it was the middle of the night, around 2AM and suddenly our cat Xanadu meowed.  Again and again and again.  Xanadu was in our bed in the middle of Matthew and I.  Enceladus was in her bassinet next to the bed.  Matthew and I turned to Xanadu, pleading with our eyes, whispering “Please stop meowing!”.  She continued. “Meow, Meow, Meow”.  Enceladus stirred in her bassinet.  Then I did the unthinkable, I scolded our cat.  Our cat was meowing because she was happy and I told her to stop meowing.  I still feel awful for this.

Enceladus has started to giggle.  I am officially the funniest person in the world to her and it makes me feel awesome.

Blank walls are also hilarious to her.

Cutting baby’s nails are terrifying.  The first time we cut her nails was when she was 2 days old and we cut her finger.  She screamed for a minute and then moved on with life, but it still haunts us.  When she came out of my belly, she had Edward Scissorhands esque nails and was constantly cutting her face.  Nowadays, we’re still terrified of using nail clippers so I bite her nails.  Yes, I cut her nails by putting her nails into my mouth and biting them like a Barbarian.  I googled it though and lots of other Moms do this so it’s totally ok to be a animal to my baby.  Now if only I could work on that sharp big toe nail of hers….

The microwave door closes so loudly!  It’s not until you have a sleeping baby in your house will you realize how loud some things are. I now fear the microwave while she sleeps.

To every stranger on the street Enceladus is a boy.  Society has a issue with gender confusion if babies aren’t wearing a pink tutu and headband, and Enceladus does not wear tutus or headbands.   A man approached me in a store and said “he” was cute. I told him “he” was actually a “she”.  He said “Didn’t you know what you were having when you bought clothes for her?”.  First of all, Woah Mister back it up some, I don’t even know you.  Second, she had a FROG PRINTED bodysuit on.  FROGS.  Are frogs now only for boys? 

I catch myself sprinting to the bathroom nowadays.  Literally, I am sprinting to it while saying “I will only be 20 seconds!” to a baby that could explode at any second.  

Matthew and I alternate nights.  I feed her at bed time and then we put her down.  Then depending on who’s night it is they are responsible to wake up and feed her as she wakes.   A few nights ago it was my night.   It was the middle of the night and she was in a deep sleep already for a few hours and we were turning in for the night.  I was in bed, hoping it would be a easy night for me, when Matthew did something unbelievable.  He walked to her bassinet, bent down and kissed her.  CAN YOU BELIEVE HIM? I shot him darts of fire from my eyes.  “What?” He whispered, “I just wanted to kiss her good night.”.  UM.  You can totally kiss her good night, but kiss her when we put her into the bassinet for the night, not when she’s in a deep sleep and it’s MY NIGHT. I can 100% guarantee you this kiss would never have happened if it was his night.  And yes, she woke out of her deep sleep and stirred for the next 30 minutes. And yes, Matthew fell asleep peacefully next to me.  And yes, I stared at him while he slept, shaking my head and whispering angry words to him.

Why do people congratulate men on being good dads?  When I tell people we alternate nights they say “That’s great of him to do!”.  Really?   Why don’t I get a “Wow! That’s great of you to stop your life and raise a baby!”?

I miss hot food.  

I haven’t talked about it much here on my blog, but if you follow me on Social Media (especially Instagram) then you’ll know that Enceladus has been kind of a difficult baby.  She doesn’t sleep during the day and she cries. A lot.  After multiple pediatrician visits they’ve chalked it up to the catch all “your baby has colic, there’s nothing you can do, but they will grow out of it”.  Dealing with a screaming baby for 1 hour a day is hard enough, but if you’re dealing with a screaming baby for 8 hours a day for 2 months straight, it will make a emotional mess.  I’ve had so many ups and downs and cry fests of my own over the past 11 weeks dealing with a baby that I just can’t soothe.   Because she’s a ticking time bomb, it’s been hard for me to take her anywhere because when she cries it’s just not fun for anyone.    A few days ago I did my weekly grocery store run (literally) with Enceladus in her stroller.  We made it to the milk aisle and then she started screaming.  I sucked it up, finished shopping, and headed outside the store.  Once outside I took her out of the stroller, held her and got her to calm down (the only thing that calms her down is holding her – constantly – which means I have extra strong Mom arms now).  Once calmed down, I knew I was going to have to put her back in the stroller to head home.  As soon as I put her in the stroller, she started screaming immediately again.  I was about 10 blocks away from home, so again, I sucked up the looks from strangers, kept looking straight ahead and tried to get her home as quick as possible.  I know you’re thinking, “Don’t worry what other people think!”.  But if you have a baby that suffers from severe colic, you are riding a emotional roller coaster which can throw you off any minute.   I was a few blocks from home and suddenly a man appeared next to me.  He said “What did you do to make your baby cry so much?”.  I was shocked.  He might have been joking. He might have been serious.  But did it matter?  Who was this jerk?  Why did he think he had the right to ask me this?  It upset me and as soon as I got into my building’s elevator I cried.  I was angry with this guy but I was also angry at myself for letting him get me upset.   Being a Mom is the hardest job in the World, so don’t be a jerk.   Congrats guy, you made a Mom feel shitty about herself.  I’ve had a few days to think about this and I wish I would have said something back to him, or ran him over with my stroller, instead of looking at him shocked.   

If you ever see a Mom with a crying baby at the store/on the street/on the subway, give her a smile.  She needs support.

 

Until next time,
Pamela

 

 

8 Comments

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  • Hi Pamela,
    My son, Andrew had severe colic for 2 1/2 months. Then one day it just stopped. He then became the easiest, most lay back, quiet kid. He is 17 years old now, and is still very easy to live with, despite the fact he know everything. Dealing with comments of strangers, neighbours, teachers and even friends to me has been one of the big challenges of motherhood. I was even asked point blank once “what’s wrong with him?” because he is shy. No words of wisdom, just relating girlfriend!

  • I wish I could reach out to pat you and tell you it will be alright. A friend of mine had very colicy babies and I always, always counted my blessings, because it was tough to WATCH, let alone, live. She did end up having to find formula that was less challenging to her babies, but this was over 30 years ago and I have forgotten the details, since I wasn’t the one dealing with the day to day challenge. I imagine there are other moms who are stressed like you, perhaps online. Finding other women who can support you and listen to you is so, so important. Just remember you are doing the best you can. One day at a time, this is hard work but you are both worth it! Hang in there, little mama!
    It is alright to vent on your blog, sometimes talking/writing is all you can do…perhaps one of your readers will have some useful tips. Just know, you WILL get through this. Kisses for you, too!

  • Oh, Pamela, I’m sorry you are having a tough time with motherhood. No doubt, a baby with colic is certainly a challenge, just remember this, too, shall pass. I also made my older daughter bleed the first time I cut her nails, and I was terrified after that! Good luck, and hope things improve for you soon!

  • I feel your pain. I had one-one out of 3 boys that cried, stirred, shreaked or outright yelled for months. I just wore him. Yep-wore him. I stuffed him in my baby bjorn and went ahead with life. He wouldn’t take a pacifier, anything. We tried it all.
    I just wore him.
    He is now a crazy, brilliant, over the top artist musician. So-thank your stars, planets, whatever and you will get through it. F em to the judgey jerks who have no idea what having a baby is like. Next time a spoiled millennial says something snarky, ask him if he’s pushed 8 lbs through his -well, you know the rest. Make them feel as stupid as their insensitive comment. People are jerks, but there are more than aren’t, and as they may not say anything as they pass you-they understand, and they probably smile quietly to themselves thinking, oh I know how she feels, poor new Mom. Look at the love she has for that beautiful baby.

  • Hi Pamela, Ignore the ignorant comments or have a few snappy comebacks ,”say what!!!”, “That comment did not come from your mouth”, or do not give any eye contact. I adopted at age 45. Some of the worst comments were”Are you the nanny?”, “How much did she cost?” . (My daughter was born in China.) Vibrtion is really good to sooth babies, perhaps a vibrating bay seat. As time passes new things willl evolve as your daughter matures. Hopefully sleep during the day will come about to help give you a break. When she is a year old you will think back and say where did it all go. All moms go through what you are going through. You are a strong ,intelligent , creative person who is a great mom !

  • Hi Pam, you are doing a much better job than you think you are. That one lady is correct, vibration is good for the colicky baby. In my day we put them in their baby seat and put them on top the dryer and turned it on.
    As far as rude people, there are far more wonderful people than rude people. As far as dress goes, “isn’t she awesomely unique!” Crying…”sorry, I told her we’d be meeting a rude person and here you are!”
    Laugh it off, and you and Matt keep up the good work! Wish you lived closer, cousin Peggy would love to help out!

  • Hi Pamela,
    Congratulations on this new series. I think it’s going to do us all a bit of good especially you:)

    Personally, it’s important to remember Motherhood doesn’t come with a book so we really are winging it most times. You’re doing the best you can and that is what matters. I wouldn’t get too upset with people, they simply don’t get it!!!

    I’m a little concerned about this colic thing and “she’ll grow out of it,” my son was supposedly colic (he is now over 40 yrs. old) It winds up even later in life he had belly problems and it wasn’t colic at all. He has belly problems, always has I just didn’t know it. I was young and should have questioned those doctors a whole lot more…just saying…

    Thank you so much for sharing, Pamela…you are not alone…

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